Monday, July 19, 2010

Wonderful News!

I just started the site two days ago. The basic format is up--the pages are set as I tinker about in presenting the information based on skills you may be interested in learning, and what target population represents you the best.

I am targeting a wide range of people--from 10 to 110 years old. Why you may ask?

I strongly believe that we must be more inclusive when trying to help others. We all want to belong somewhere--and we each have unique needs, but the area in which we are all seeking greater belonging in is in the area of our relationships and how we relate to other people. That is why the skills can reach across boundaries of age, sexual preference, relationship status (single, committed, pre-marital, pre-divorce, newly married, mature marriages...., post-divorce, stepfamilies, mending from infidelities...), or religious preference.

However, I think where the professionals are failing is addressing specific needs of:

--adolescents who come from families where their model of a in-tact relationship is missing or conditional (how many people do you know personally still are married/committed to their original partner and parent of their children?)
-- people who are single and want a good relationship (but are uncertain of why this perfect-love relationship remains elusive),
--pre-marital couples who are hoping to make their relationship work for the long haul, but that's all they have....hope and not skills
--newly married couples who have love, but not the skill set to turn their puppy love into mature love that can stand the good & bad stressors of life (kids, jobs, finances, illnesses)
--couples thinking of splitting or are up for reconciliation before divorcing or separating
--mature couples who want spice back in their life before they stray into infidelity, porn, sexual addiction or any other destructive behaviors
--and in some ways, most importantly, the GLBT population that are fighting for recognition, acceptance, and whose unique needs are often ignored, repressed, and short-changed

Many are seeking to be loved unconditionally--where there is only acceptance no matter what you do, say, think, feel. We often find it in our spiritual lives...but I also think one of the main points in life is to learn how to relate and love others. However, based on current trends and statistics we seem to be missing the mark.

So, even if you think "nah, I have no problems or issues, this site is NOT for me..." I gently suggest you think again and ask yourself..."what relationships in my life would I like to be better, to whom would I like to be closer to or with??" The only way we can become better people, is if we look hard at ourselves and if something has not been working..., then to try something new.

On this site--I want to help point you in the right directions--to things that are proven to work.

That is why the workshops I will be teaching on relationships and marriage education for military and families in the community are based on research that proves that if you work on said skills, your relationships will improve. This is not counseling..., I have that skill set and access to the theories that we've been trying to use to help "fix" people (when really the fix comes from people learning new skill sets and pulling upon their own resilience to solve their own issues). Educating yourself gives the power to you and respects that you know how best to make the changes you need to make.

Also....based on brain research..., did you know that focusing on the past, old memories, unhealthy behaviors will only keep these neural pathways awake in your brain? The fastest and easiest way to fix undesirable thoughts, feelings, or actions is to replace them in the present with NEW learned thoughts, feelings, or actions. This has been proven in people categorized with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Substance Abuse, and Substance Dependence...

There is hope! Join me in marrying hope with new skills so that you are more satisfied with your life!

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The Basic Ways We Change

There are three ways in which we can actively monitor ourselves so that we may change how we interact with our surroundings:

(1) Thoughts (cognitions)
(2) Feelings (emotions)
(3) Actions (behaviors)

When you are in traditional counseling sessions--the counselor uses a variety of theories that typically focus on one of these areas to help you make changes in your life. In the best case scenario the theory that the counselor is using is based on their training background/when they received their masters degree, as well as what the current trend is based upon research on the effectiveness of the theories in actual practice. However, we won't delve too deeply into theories and understanding methodology, because this site is educational and for you to understand more of how you work.

The activities that are posted and linked on this blog are to help give you immediate tools to begin actively reorganizing how you interact with your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

People that are aware that they can use their feelings and thoughts to influence their actions are able to control what happens to them. Novel idea? This is because they recognize that they can influence their outcomes based on identifying the emotions they are feeling, then choosing what thoughts they would like to focus on, and then putting it in to action.

Latest Research on the Impact of Marriage on Family Life

This week check out your skills on how much you know about how marriage impacts family life.

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