Thursday, July 22, 2010

Lots to Digest!

A lot of the framework for the site has been posted in the last week. I'm going to give you a few days to look at what's up so far..., and then I'll turn the fire hose back on with added data, statistics, and fun things to do under each of the tabs (pages).

Please leave comments on the blog--they can be anonymous--I love constructive criticism!

Steven Stosny, PhD and Pat Love, EdD came up with the following acronyms on how you can improve your marriage (or any committed relationship) without talking about it! To fully understand how this can help though, we'll delve into the scientific reasons of why behind the Rock Star.

to connect to
R--routinely connect with her
O--open your heart and mind
C--contact, contact, contact
K--keep it positive

to connect to
S--sex (where men get the largest oxytocin/bonding chemical surge)
T--touch (they need 2-3x more touch to feel bonded)
A--activity, appreciate, acknowledge what he does for you gives him meaning
R--routine, respect and honor it (takes 1.5x to restart an activity for a man compared to a woman)

If you have questions about the above, ask away, and stay tuned for more info on the Brain Difference page!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I'm Curious...questionnaire

Welcome to the site about healthy relationships!

Please take a moment and take the questionnaire in the lower left hand corner. I'd like to know how I may better set up this site to meet your needs.

One of the main reasons why I have created this blog is so that I may reach a wider audience. I move often, because my husband is in the military--and I wanted to provide a venue to people who have taken my workshops, or have simply found this blog and liked what they saw!

Did you know that creating better relationships with ourselves and others is not a one time affair? We grow as people when we take whatever stressors (there are good and bad ones) we're given in life, and re-work them until we find the positive in the outcome. The more we are mindful and thoughtful about communicating and connecting on a more genuine level with others--i.e. the more we practice the skills we are learning--the better our relationships will be, because we've decided to do something new to make it better!

Do you spend loads of time looking on the internet at Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter? Do you randomly troll friends and family leaving no comments, what about reading about celebrities, sports, and politics? Why not take just a few minutes a day to also look at fun relationship facts and skill builders too! Start when there are no problems, disagreements, or issues!

A long-term goal of this blog is to keep people connected together where you will continue to be encouraged for your efforts! I was watching Roots the TV mini-series last night, and it disturbed me to know that hatred, racism, ethnic cleansing...even though it goes on to a lesser extent in is still occurring in the rest of the world. We have great freedom to be, say, and think what we'd like to in our country. Why not use this freedom to promote well-being, rather than focusing on the latest social media craze? We have room and ability to do both. What do you want your lasting legacy to be when you've drawn your last breath?

Please, take the questionnaire. Become a follower of the blog. Leave comments. Put a link on Facebook and Twitter. Tell your friends and family!

A friend shared the following article with me today, and it may be something to think about:

Monday, July 19, 2010

Wonderful News!

I just started the site two days ago. The basic format is up--the pages are set as I tinker about in presenting the information based on skills you may be interested in learning, and what target population represents you the best.

I am targeting a wide range of people--from 10 to 110 years old. Why you may ask?

I strongly believe that we must be more inclusive when trying to help others. We all want to belong somewhere--and we each have unique needs, but the area in which we are all seeking greater belonging in is in the area of our relationships and how we relate to other people. That is why the skills can reach across boundaries of age, sexual preference, relationship status (single, committed, pre-marital, pre-divorce, newly married, mature marriages...., post-divorce, stepfamilies, mending from infidelities...), or religious preference.

However, I think where the professionals are failing is addressing specific needs of:

--adolescents who come from families where their model of a in-tact relationship is missing or conditional (how many people do you know personally still are married/committed to their original partner and parent of their children?)
-- people who are single and want a good relationship (but are uncertain of why this perfect-love relationship remains elusive),
--pre-marital couples who are hoping to make their relationship work for the long haul, but that's all they have....hope and not skills
--newly married couples who have love, but not the skill set to turn their puppy love into mature love that can stand the good & bad stressors of life (kids, jobs, finances, illnesses)
--couples thinking of splitting or are up for reconciliation before divorcing or separating
--mature couples who want spice back in their life before they stray into infidelity, porn, sexual addiction or any other destructive behaviors
--and in some ways, most importantly, the GLBT population that are fighting for recognition, acceptance, and whose unique needs are often ignored, repressed, and short-changed

Many are seeking to be loved unconditionally--where there is only acceptance no matter what you do, say, think, feel. We often find it in our spiritual lives...but I also think one of the main points in life is to learn how to relate and love others. However, based on current trends and statistics we seem to be missing the mark.

So, even if you think "nah, I have no problems or issues, this site is NOT for me..." I gently suggest you think again and ask yourself..."what relationships in my life would I like to be better, to whom would I like to be closer to or with??" The only way we can become better people, is if we look hard at ourselves and if something has not been working..., then to try something new.

On this site--I want to help point you in the right directions--to things that are proven to work.

That is why the workshops I will be teaching on relationships and marriage education for military and families in the community are based on research that proves that if you work on said skills, your relationships will improve. This is not counseling..., I have that skill set and access to the theories that we've been trying to use to help "fix" people (when really the fix comes from people learning new skill sets and pulling upon their own resilience to solve their own issues). Educating yourself gives the power to you and respects that you know how best to make the changes you need to make.

Also....based on brain research..., did you know that focusing on the past, old memories, unhealthy behaviors will only keep these neural pathways awake in your brain? The fastest and easiest way to fix undesirable thoughts, feelings, or actions is to replace them in the present with NEW learned thoughts, feelings, or actions. This has been proven in people categorized with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Substance Abuse, and Substance Dependence...

There is hope! Join me in marrying hope with new skills so that you are more satisfied with your life!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Building Lasting Partnerships

Are you interested in finding out the kinds of skills couples need to build loving and lasting partnerships? Click on the following for an interactive introduction on the types of skills taught in my classes, by Power of Two, and other marriage skills classes.

Content provided by Power of

Launching the Site!

I'm posting with a little bundle of joy in my lap. Please bear with me as I upload good content for you. Become a follower and get updates as I post more information! I'm working on creating links for you to be able to go to sites that are educational and have cutting edge technology to help you take your relationships to the next level. I will also begin to post recommended reading along with interactive activities and quizzes so your learning curve remains fun and does not plateau or stop!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

How Are Your Relationship Skills?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Did you know that for learning to be more effective you need to engage as many of your senses (sight, feel, hear, touch, kinesthetic moving) as possible?

Understanding that you'll retain this or any information better if you engage as many of your senses as possible is more reason why you should come to this blog to read up, play games, and take quizzes on an ongoing basis! The more senses you engage as you learn new skills--the faster you will create pathways in your brain that re-wire your thought processes and your ability to inerpret your emotions and use them to gain mastery over any situation.

Take the following quiz and begin your journey to understanding yourself better! Enjoy!

Content provided by Power of

Ask me questions, and come back soon for more answers!

The Basic Ways We Change

There are three ways in which we can actively monitor ourselves so that we may change how we interact with our surroundings:

(1) Thoughts (cognitions)
(2) Feelings (emotions)
(3) Actions (behaviors)

When you are in traditional counseling sessions--the counselor uses a variety of theories that typically focus on one of these areas to help you make changes in your life. In the best case scenario the theory that the counselor is using is based on their training background/when they received their masters degree, as well as what the current trend is based upon research on the effectiveness of the theories in actual practice. However, we won't delve too deeply into theories and understanding methodology, because this site is educational and for you to understand more of how you work.

The activities that are posted and linked on this blog are to help give you immediate tools to begin actively reorganizing how you interact with your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

People that are aware that they can use their feelings and thoughts to influence their actions are able to control what happens to them. Novel idea? This is because they recognize that they can influence their outcomes based on identifying the emotions they are feeling, then choosing what thoughts they would like to focus on, and then putting it in to action.

Latest Research on the Impact of Marriage on Family Life

This week check out your skills on how much you know about how marriage impacts family life.

Learning Center & Blog Archive