Thursday, July 22, 2010

Lots to Digest!

A lot of the framework for the site has been posted in the last week. I'm going to give you a few days to look at what's up so far..., and then I'll turn the fire hose back on with added data, statistics, and fun things to do under each of the tabs (pages).

Please leave comments on the blog--they can be anonymous--I love constructive criticism!

Steven Stosny, PhD and Pat Love, EdD came up with the following acronyms on how you can improve your marriage (or any committed relationship) without talking about it! To fully understand how this can help though, we'll delve into the scientific reasons of why behind the Rock Star.

to connect to
R--routinely connect with her
O--open your heart and mind
C--contact, contact, contact
K--keep it positive

to connect to
S--sex (where men get the largest oxytocin/bonding chemical surge)
T--touch (they need 2-3x more touch to feel bonded)
A--activity, appreciate, acknowledge what he does for you gives him meaning
R--routine, respect and honor it (takes 1.5x to restart an activity for a man compared to a woman)

If you have questions about the above, ask away, and stay tuned for more info on the Brain Difference page!


  1. I'm drifting away from him. What is one thing I can do to interrupt this slow, insidious, breaking of our bond?

  2. Connecting with each other. One of the easiest (and arguable hardest) things to do--is as soon as your guy walks through the front door, drop whatever you are doing and go and give him a hug and a kiss. This action screams that he is important to you. Even if you've had a hard day, or are currently too busy to talk, this is a nonverbal way of communicating that he still matters to you. If that is too hard to try at first, leaving love notes in his pocket, seat of his car, on the bathroom mirror--are other small ways of showing you care. Once you begin connecting again--then you can begin tackling the bigger issues. And for men connecting to them means they need to feel like they are providing for you and protecting you. It is wired in their brain this way. To let him know, it is as simple as thanking him for making you feel safe. Or thank him for being a good provider, doing a good job at work, etc.


The Basic Ways We Change

There are three ways in which we can actively monitor ourselves so that we may change how we interact with our surroundings:

(1) Thoughts (cognitions)
(2) Feelings (emotions)
(3) Actions (behaviors)

When you are in traditional counseling sessions--the counselor uses a variety of theories that typically focus on one of these areas to help you make changes in your life. In the best case scenario the theory that the counselor is using is based on their training background/when they received their masters degree, as well as what the current trend is based upon research on the effectiveness of the theories in actual practice. However, we won't delve too deeply into theories and understanding methodology, because this site is educational and for you to understand more of how you work.

The activities that are posted and linked on this blog are to help give you immediate tools to begin actively reorganizing how you interact with your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

People that are aware that they can use their feelings and thoughts to influence their actions are able to control what happens to them. Novel idea? This is because they recognize that they can influence their outcomes based on identifying the emotions they are feeling, then choosing what thoughts they would like to focus on, and then putting it in to action.

Latest Research on the Impact of Marriage on Family Life

This week check out your skills on how much you know about how marriage impacts family life.

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