Friday, November 5, 2010

Balance--in relationships, with work, and achieving dreams

Balance. Balance with our relationships, our work, and marrying this to our dreams--do we have it? Are we willing to pay someone to work with us 1 on 1 to help us achieve these goals? No, seriously, I want to know. I'm willing to do what it takes to be the place you can come to work on these issues. I know the material and the interventions needed. I'm in the process of starting up my own small business to do just this, because I feel so passionately about getting the word out--to you.

That's what I am trying to find out. I have the requisite knowledge and interventions to help people out. I know what my passion and purpose in life is--to help others identify and achieve this balance in their relationships and to help align their work with what makes them feel alive and empowered to go and conquer their part of the world. The question is--how may I help you?

Would you prefer to do 1-on-1s in the privacy of your own home, and when you have a free 30 or 60 minute window? Are you interested in investing in yourself and beefing up your intra- (with yourself) and inter- (with others) personal skill sets?

I'm in the middle of trying to figure this out. I see tons of people connecting on social media sites, and tons more turning to online dating and matchmaking services. But then when I look at where the people are that have the knowledge & experience to share how you have a healthier relationship (i.e. not just an opinion, or anecdote--but actual skills you learn to change how you are coping with your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors), how you marry your dreams and visions to that of your work life so you feel balanced...where most people are going to find this information--it's not where these subject matter experts are located.

Yesterday I came across someone who has written a few books over the past 10 or so years delineating how to find the perfect mate..., and his books have been published, and you could say that he's successful. He's appeared on television shows, and I'm sure in newspaper and magazine articles as well. However, yup, here is the "but..." Until very recently, like in the past 2 years, he finally found someone and settled down. He even advertised that he was a serial dater. And, in my head, I'm going, "WHAT THE???" What? This isn't endemic to just one person, I've come across several people who fall in this category. And, it seems like it's the blind leading the blind, or babes teaching babes, however you want to cliche it. People are listening, paying even, this guy to give them information when he wasn't even heeding it himself? How is this possible? Where is the accountability and where is the actual verifiable proof that the tips he or she is giving is research and evidence based?

And the people who have have spent years of their life getting masters and doctorate degrees in the helping services (namely--counseling, psychology, marriage and family therapy--some may argue even social work)--now they are pouring their hearts into acquiring their state or national licenses...and all this wisdom and knowledge is kept in this arena. They tend to publish in scholarly journals, and conduct research, but when it comes to actually disseminating this information to the mass public--we (and I mean we as professionals with these degrees, gain credibility & experience, and we as a society) fall short. Divorce is over 50% in the U.S. now, and is highest among married couples in their first 5 years of marriage. I mean it's great if your insurance company will help you pay for the services or if you've been forced into receiving help, because you've received DUIs, etc., or have the time to take off an hour or two from work and drive to their office for a session--but these professions tend not to deal with people who for the most part have their life together...and are just looking for ways to do things better. I mean most single people looking for a committed relationship do not sign up for counseling or psychotherapy to learn more about the family system they came from, and what they need to know or learn so that they don't end up making the same mistakes they are running from with the new relationships they are forming--both with friends, co-workers, and in their partner.

So my question is this: if you are such a person who has realized whatever you're doing isn't working out the way you thought it would, and you want to know what you can do to get it right or have better relationships, not feel guilty at work, achieve that balance between happy/healthy mind/body/ you know where to go to learn this stuph? And, where would be the best place? Would you like doing email/phone/skype sessions? Would it be easier if you could just go online to a website and slot yourself in for a 30, 45, 60 or 90 minute session with someone who does know how to teach or coach you in these areas: relationships, stress management, conflict resolution, goal setting, parenting, family dynamics? Would this help you in conjunction with using online dating/matchmaking services so that your next relationship will be successful--b/c you are changing your behaviors, identifying what it is you want in that relationship? that job change? Or in raising your kids to be healthy, balanced individuals?

I know this service is greatly needed. I've talked to dozens of counselors and coaches who know this is needed. I know it is needed. My question is--if I focus on starting up something like this--are there people out there willing to connect in this way, pay for this service, and have better relationships and more success achieving their goals and dreams?

No comments:

Post a Comment

The Basic Ways We Change

There are three ways in which we can actively monitor ourselves so that we may change how we interact with our surroundings:

(1) Thoughts (cognitions)
(2) Feelings (emotions)
(3) Actions (behaviors)

When you are in traditional counseling sessions--the counselor uses a variety of theories that typically focus on one of these areas to help you make changes in your life. In the best case scenario the theory that the counselor is using is based on their training background/when they received their masters degree, as well as what the current trend is based upon research on the effectiveness of the theories in actual practice. However, we won't delve too deeply into theories and understanding methodology, because this site is educational and for you to understand more of how you work.

The activities that are posted and linked on this blog are to help give you immediate tools to begin actively reorganizing how you interact with your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

People that are aware that they can use their feelings and thoughts to influence their actions are able to control what happens to them. Novel idea? This is because they recognize that they can influence their outcomes based on identifying the emotions they are feeling, then choosing what thoughts they would like to focus on, and then putting it in to action.

Latest Research on the Impact of Marriage on Family Life

This week check out your skills on how much you know about how marriage impacts family life.

Learning Center & Blog Archive