When do you get to the point that you realize what you are doing in your relationships are not working? How long does it take until you see a pattern with the way your intimate relationships keep failing? When is it okay to say, “hey, I know I need help, let me allow myself to find it?” If we read fitness articles and work out to have a healthy body, why not read about and do new things to have healthier relationships? When do you get to the point where you say, “stop already, tell me how to do it a better way?” Why do people sometimes get sex confused with intimacy? Why do we think everyone else has what we want, but we don’t clearly know what we want ourselves in a relationship?
How do you find and maintain joy? Living in the present moment, and learning new ways to deal with emotions, think more optimistically, and behave in ways that make things better...these have all helped me.
The fastest spring-board though lately for me has been dancing. The joy of celebrating my body as it is and turning off any past or future pressures in my head...it works! It produces oxytocin, reduces my cortisol load, and clears out my perspective--so I can then make sound, logical, decisions. I can see clearly where I want to go, and I can kick out anything that is toxic or not working to move me forward relationship-wise.Dancing has gotten me away from thinking and analyzing, and trying to put information out there to help people achieve more happiness and healthiness in their relationships. Dancing has helped me to scrap any of the doubt or fears I have about what I'm doing to make my part of the world better. It has helped me to connect on deeper levels with others than I ever could have just by blabbing about how to learn new skills...
So I say, dance. Dance like your heart needs it to survive. Joy will follow. When you are moving in the moment, there is no room for fear, or anger, or any other downers. You empower yourself and give yourself permission to experience the joy of life, and the love of yourself. Imperfections and all. It clears out room--so you can get better at any of the areas you want to improve in your life. So I say, if you have a dilemma, or a big decision to make, or you downright want to curl up into a ball or go down into a hole and not come back up for a week--I say turn on the tunes and dance. Dance, and after you are laughing and out of breath--then ask yourself if you still feel the way you did minutes before that salsa or cumbia came on...
Dance like there is no tomorrow. Make it contagious, and when you are so full of euphoria, sweep others along with you in the whirlwind of Joy! Love! Laughter! Life!
The purpose of this blog is to help you have healthier relationships by giving you information and skills to change how you relate with others. I would like to help you gain experience in giving and receiving unconditional love with your partner, family, friends, acquaintances & strangers. It is open to all people: young or old, single or married, all faiths and denominations, and it is GLBT-friendly. Click on tabs below to learn more! These pages are often updated.
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The Basic Ways We Change
There are three ways in which we can actively monitor ourselves so that we may change how we interact with our surroundings:
(1) Thoughts (cognitions)
(2) Feelings (emotions)
(3) Actions (behaviors)
When you are in traditional counseling sessions--the counselor uses a variety of theories that typically focus on one of these areas to help you make changes in your life. In the best case scenario the theory that the counselor is using is based on their training background/when they received their masters degree, as well as what the current trend is based upon research on the effectiveness of the theories in actual practice. However, we won't delve too deeply into theories and understanding methodology, because this site is educational and for you to understand more of how you work.
The activities that are posted and linked on this blog are to help give you immediate tools to begin actively reorganizing how you interact with your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
People that are aware that they can use their feelings and thoughts to influence their actions are able to control what happens to them. Novel idea? This is because they recognize that they can influence their outcomes based on identifying the emotions they are feeling, then choosing what thoughts they would like to focus on, and then putting it in to action.
(1) Thoughts (cognitions)
(2) Feelings (emotions)
(3) Actions (behaviors)
When you are in traditional counseling sessions--the counselor uses a variety of theories that typically focus on one of these areas to help you make changes in your life. In the best case scenario the theory that the counselor is using is based on their training background/when they received their masters degree, as well as what the current trend is based upon research on the effectiveness of the theories in actual practice. However, we won't delve too deeply into theories and understanding methodology, because this site is educational and for you to understand more of how you work.
The activities that are posted and linked on this blog are to help give you immediate tools to begin actively reorganizing how you interact with your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
People that are aware that they can use their feelings and thoughts to influence their actions are able to control what happens to them. Novel idea? This is because they recognize that they can influence their outcomes based on identifying the emotions they are feeling, then choosing what thoughts they would like to focus on, and then putting it in to action.
Latest Research on the Impact of Marriage on Family Life
This week check out your skills on how much you know about how marriage impacts family life.
This activity was created by Power of Two: online marriage help for relationship problems.
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